Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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