If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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