PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize