Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
