who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
