I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
