I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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