I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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