when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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