i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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