so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
