i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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