After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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