Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
