Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
