I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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