all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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