i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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