Your dad touched me again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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