you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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