I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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