I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
