did you get engaged???
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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