An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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