Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
