You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
