My liver just broke up with me...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
