Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
