But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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