they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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