My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
