I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
