i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
