If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
