I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
