Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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