words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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