My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
