There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
