I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
