There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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