hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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