Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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