For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
