Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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