I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
