Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
