I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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