Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
