Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
