We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
