Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I supernannyed him into submission
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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