The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize