How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
