when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
