Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
