You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
