I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
