He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
