I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
