Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You've changed since you got that strap on
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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