I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
