hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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