I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
