oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
