i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's like iHOP with fire
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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