saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
