would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
