I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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