I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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